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   Mr Moshé - June 11th, 2013 at 10:26 none Comment author #8233 on Writers by Mr. Moshé's Critically Thinking . . . Are You?

   I took a shot at the Villanelle form. It is untitled, but it is not my intention to leave it as such. I am not happy with the rhythm in some lines and I don’t feel the flow in some places. You could give your feedback if you want to, but I have to tell you that I don’t take criticism, I get hit with it. I can not tell you what was going on in my mind when I was writing it, although you could find the post that talks about what was going on around me while I was writing it. Let us not invite an intentional falacy.

   TITLE_______??_______TITLE

   Inside bright long days as they could get dark
   When tide pulls its way in darkest blue
   A life I know is nothing to the one I’ll now embark

   A stage that screams for me to leave this stark
   time and take your remark to impress it on those after you
   Inside bright long days as they could get dark

   Though your hail and show was just a spark
   On anvil to form for futures’ hew
   That life I knew was nothing to the one I now embark

   On this course through forested thicket park
   To lead me only to what I’ll help some accrue
   Inside bright long days as they could get dark.

   Out of giving cycles and a receiving arc
   Hopeful for struggles they will come through
   The life I knew is nothing to the one I will now embark

   First to embrace the newfangled mark
   Into the coming age is where I step true
   Inside bright long days as they could get dark
   A life I know is nothing to the one I now embark
   —————————————————————————
   I especially don’t like this line….I had a real problem with the “-ark” rhyme sound. I’m going to consider revising that.

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