Writers

I figure we should have a place to post things to get feedback on or not . . .

One thought on “Writers

  • June 11, 2013 at 10:26 AM
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    I took a shot at the Villanelle form. It is untitled, but it is not my intention to leave it as such. I am not happy with the rhythm in some lines and I don’t feel the flow in some places. You could give your feedback if you want to, but I have to tell you that I don’t take criticism, I get hit with it. I can not tell you what was going on in my mind when I was writing it, although you could find the post that talks about what was going on around me while I was writing it. Let us not invite an intentional falacy.

    TITLE_______??_______TITLE

    Inside bright long days as they could get dark
    When tide pulls its way in darkest blue
    A life I know is nothing to the one I’ll now embark

    A stage that screams for me to leave this stark
    time and take your remark to impress it on those after you
    Inside bright long days as they could get dark

    Though your hail and show was just a spark
    On anvil to form for futures’ hew
    That life I knew was nothing to the one I now embark

    On this course through forested thicket park
    To lead me only to what I’ll help some accrue
    Inside bright long days as they could get dark.

    Out of giving cycles and a receiving arc
    Hopeful for struggles they will come through
    The life I knew is nothing to the one I will now embark

    First to embrace the newfangled mark
    Into the coming age is where I step true
    Inside bright long days as they could get dark
    A life I know is nothing to the one I now embark
    —————————————————————————
    I especially don’t like this line….I had a real problem with the “-ark” rhyme sound. I’m going to consider revising that.

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